How to be a good liberal

How To Be a Good Liberal... *You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand. *You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity. *You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean Communists. *You have to believe that there was no art before federal funding. *You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's. *You have to believe that defined gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural. *You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding. *You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex. *You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do. *You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it. *You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution. *You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high. *You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, Thomas Edison, and Alexander Graham Bell. *You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not. *You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and that she is a very nice person. *You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked any-where it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge. *You have to believe that conservatives telling the truth belong in jail,but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House. *You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag queens,transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, andChristian manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal. *You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by theChinese government is somehow in the best interest to the United States. *You have to believe that it's okay to give federal workers Christmas Day off but it's not okay to say "Merry Christmas." *You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast right wingconspiracy. Needless to say, I am not a liberal.